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Dec. 18th, 2025 10:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
visvanathai had fever dreams
so another torture
what it means is
you dream shortly
quite vividly
then you wake up
then you fall
asleep again
in a few secs
happened 4 times
maybe? it wasnt
that bad but weird
anyway after the
painkiller i can
work out again it
hurt some and ill
need them again
soon. theyre also
manipulating my
dreams so i had 1
gay 1. fuckers.
really i dont like
guys they cant stand
me and i dont like
anal sex. gaping assholes?
disgusting. and then i can
recall bella saying "youre
the type that could lick
someones asshole and not
think its gross". but that
was near the end maybe so
just her way of calling me
gay since she was tired of me
thats just so predictable and
boring almost any chick thats
liked me or i hugged and not
much more as they chose some
one average instead they have
just been so plain pretending
to be that. i mean if im tired
of you ill tell you your weak
points your lies your fakeness
when i chatted with julia last
spring i told her "i forgot how
boring you are". there was really
nothing to do at her place. we went
on promandes and painted once together
that was beautiful. but listening to the
most bullshit mainstream talk radio in
the morning and watching tv at night?
god i died. now theyve started with carrot
top again. oh i think i asked if she was
a redhead but she was blonde. maybe thats
how it started 1½ year ago. omg. btw i tried
working out if i didnt mention it here after
the painkiller. calisthinetics is the best.
no damages. i started it originally when i
slept literally 23 hours per day. i just blogged
some then played runescape then i was tired.
then i figured, why not at least try to work out?
id heard somewhere about calishinetics i think it
was twitter. what a clusterfuck it is now. fake
blue checkmarks from the sites own bots. fucked up.
anyway, in the beginning i only trained my right arm
and could only do 3 mins then 1 min rest. now i can do
6 hours easily without stopping. anyway bicep curls
eventually got boring, even when i did 1kg weights they
also felt like feathers. so i did scissor workouts in
the morning. i got tired in the beginning but after maybe
5 mins i could do it easily 15 now between pauses. i cant
quite time how long i went on but was an hour at least.
i apologize for missspellings. now its worse since the screen
is much lower. was better with stationary but theyre so noisy
and on this tiny table i dunno itd work, and i cant get higher
up. it was worse with doing 4 legal drugs at once. it just turned
to a mess. i wrote "its thick" instead of "i think" i noticed for
example. anyway ive started with leverpastejmajor med smörgåsgurka
some sorta nutrients beyond cheese. marmalade would be cool but im
sure it would taste like shampoo. like sweet things are nowadays.
i actually got real vinbärssaft. theres also vinbärssaft without
additives like conservatives sugar and water. doesnt even cost much
more than the fakes which arent just like soda though. and if you
have pure squeezed one you can dilute it yourself, add sugar
and then water when you make each glass for a greater taste.
i did this once with camomile. it grows by edges of dirt roads.
i picked several decilitres and then removed to the plants at home.
cooked it long, put in a glass flask, then diluted it, sugar isnt
really needed, and microwaved and its a real good sleeping agent.
and tastes wonderful. last i tried which was long ago though
commercial camomile isnt that refined, like peppermint tea only
tastes like metal, lead, for real, worse than black tea. and
tea has no relation to coffee. black tea is
shockfull of lead and it only makes you desensitized, like
the ultimate tardiv dyskinesi, so you just gotta work. no
thanks. https://www.google.com/search?q=sweating+food+disease
well, not what i was looking for. anyway i got this months
ago i dont remember. it wasnt last year at least. oh headsup.
i have cancer in the right hemisphere. ive had it since the mid
nullties. when i started writing more. it was really the sorry
state of my room at my grandparents. i had mouldy and rotting
food for a month or more. yeah cancer is really a fungus. it
was ineffably dusty as well, my grandma might have vacuumed
it once a year but probably less. anyway, i literally sweat
food. now when i eat hardbread my front and back upper ribcage
sweat it. even dip. its not just from eating i know that or
missing when i want to put it in. when i turn the bed back to
sleep or to pull myself up it reeks of breadcrumbs.
so another torture
what it means is
you dream shortly
quite vividly
then you wake up
then you fall
asleep again
in a few secs
happened 4 times
maybe? it wasnt
that bad but weird
anyway after the
painkiller i can
work out again it
hurt some and ill
need them again
soon. theyre also
manipulating my
dreams so i had 1
gay 1. fuckers.
really i dont like
guys they cant stand
me and i dont like
anal sex. gaping assholes?
disgusting. and then i can
recall bella saying "youre
the type that could lick
someones asshole and not
think its gross". but that
was near the end maybe so
just her way of calling me
gay since she was tired of me
thats just so predictable and
boring almost any chick thats
liked me or i hugged and not
much more as they chose some
one average instead they have
just been so plain pretending
to be that. i mean if im tired
of you ill tell you your weak
points your lies your fakeness
when i chatted with julia last
spring i told her "i forgot how
boring you are". there was really
nothing to do at her place. we went
on promandes and painted once together
that was beautiful. but listening to the
most bullshit mainstream talk radio in
the morning and watching tv at night?
god i died. now theyve started with carrot
top again. oh i think i asked if she was
a redhead but she was blonde. maybe thats
how it started 1½ year ago. omg. btw i tried
working out if i didnt mention it here after
the painkiller. calisthinetics is the best.
no damages. i started it originally when i
slept literally 23 hours per day. i just blogged
some then played runescape then i was tired.
then i figured, why not at least try to work out?
id heard somewhere about calishinetics i think it
was twitter. what a clusterfuck it is now. fake
blue checkmarks from the sites own bots. fucked up.
anyway, in the beginning i only trained my right arm
and could only do 3 mins then 1 min rest. now i can do
6 hours easily without stopping. anyway bicep curls
eventually got boring, even when i did 1kg weights they
also felt like feathers. so i did scissor workouts in
the morning. i got tired in the beginning but after maybe
5 mins i could do it easily 15 now between pauses. i cant
quite time how long i went on but was an hour at least.
i apologize for missspellings. now its worse since the screen
is much lower. was better with stationary but theyre so noisy
and on this tiny table i dunno itd work, and i cant get higher
up. it was worse with doing 4 legal drugs at once. it just turned
to a mess. i wrote "its thick" instead of "i think" i noticed for
example. anyway ive started with leverpastejmajor med smörgåsgurka
some sorta nutrients beyond cheese. marmalade would be cool but im
sure it would taste like shampoo. like sweet things are nowadays.
i actually got real vinbärssaft. theres also vinbärssaft without
additives like conservatives sugar and water. doesnt even cost much
more than the fakes which arent just like soda though. and if you
have pure squeezed one you can dilute it yourself, add sugar
and then water when you make each glass for a greater taste.
i did this once with camomile. it grows by edges of dirt roads.
i picked several decilitres and then removed to the plants at home.
cooked it long, put in a glass flask, then diluted it, sugar isnt
really needed, and microwaved and its a real good sleeping agent.
and tastes wonderful. last i tried which was long ago though
commercial camomile isnt that refined, like peppermint tea only
tastes like metal, lead, for real, worse than black tea. and
tea has no relation to coffee. black tea is
shockfull of lead and it only makes you desensitized, like
the ultimate tardiv dyskinesi, so you just gotta work. no
thanks. https://www.google.com/search?q=sweating+food+disease
well, not what i was looking for. anyway i got this months
ago i dont remember. it wasnt last year at least. oh headsup.
i have cancer in the right hemisphere. ive had it since the mid
nullties. when i started writing more. it was really the sorry
state of my room at my grandparents. i had mouldy and rotting
food for a month or more. yeah cancer is really a fungus. it
was ineffably dusty as well, my grandma might have vacuumed
it once a year but probably less. anyway, i literally sweat
food. now when i eat hardbread my front and back upper ribcage
sweat it. even dip. its not just from eating i know that or
missing when i want to put it in. when i turn the bed back to
sleep or to pull myself up it reeks of breadcrumbs.
